before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
