i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
