Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
