sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
