So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
