she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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