fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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