i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
