Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
