3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
