I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
