I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
