Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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