So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
