Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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