i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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