I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
