We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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