the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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