ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
