it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
