ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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