Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
