my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
