I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
