Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
