so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize