What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
