she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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