Nicole vs. Life
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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