are you still at the devil's house?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
