My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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