ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize