i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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