No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He told me they were just razor bumps!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
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