ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My feet surprised me
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