She said her name was "party"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize