I need help removing her.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Even my vagina gasped.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
