Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
