I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
