let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Say something about gay babies.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
