Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
