cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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