the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
