Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Screwed.edu
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
