respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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