We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize