Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You made out with two different species that night
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
