I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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