Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
