It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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