I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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