8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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