The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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