Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
