You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
