Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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