I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
A+ Viking dick
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
