That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
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