she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
