connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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