I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
