Me too!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
