What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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