I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
