remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
