It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
