Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
