why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
