i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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