i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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