I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
