I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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