I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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